


Where Severus Snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl

by Utopiste



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Fluff and Humor, Gift Fic, If you look for embarrassing dad in the dictionary you'll find a picture of Tony Stark, M/M, Peter is Not Impressed, Stephen Strange is Not Impressed either just so you know, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony is his lost biological dad, and Peter Quill likes old memes, guest stars: Wade Wilson really wants Peter to pay attention to him, like. at all., warning: i don't understand pre-med. this is just really self indulgent fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utopiste/pseuds/Utopiste
Summary: And then, as if he wasn’t already the most embarrassing estranged biological dad ever, Tony stopped in his tracks, raised his sunglasses (because of course he would wear sunglasses inside a lecture hall in April), and gave Professor Strange the most blatant, sustained once-over in the history of fuckboyness.Then he put down his glasses, shot a winning smile at the teacher, and said, “Well, I’m Tony Stark, of course.”Or: Peter Parker is sick and wants to cut his Neuroscience class. Tony just wants to help (and maybe date his son's hot teacher). Stephen Strange just wants to give his lecture in peace.





	Where Severus Snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Magyar available: [Amikor Perselus Piton jóképű, nem visszataszító, és végül még a lányt is megszerzi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15156011) by [mrsgombember](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsgombember/pseuds/mrsgombember)



> So, this is a gift for my soulmate because she just ACED her college entrance exams and deserves the world. Also this is my first fic on AO3 and I can't believe it's ironstrange. The things I do for love. I deserve that Good Bro Oscar.
> 
> Based on this: 
> 
> @marvelspolls  
> you want to gtfo of a boring lecture who would you call to pretend to be your concerned dad picking you up for “family emergency”
> 
> @marvelstexts retweeted  
> strange is probably the professor ans tony is the “concerned dad” 
> 
> (https://twitter.com/marvelstexts/status/1002464065845772288)
> 
> Update: Now with translation in Hungarian by the beautiful, wonderful @mrsgombember! Check it out: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15156011

**Tony Stark**

Ugh Tony i’m not feeling so good

i think i have a cold

Read: 9:04

pre-med sucks

Read: 9:17

what are our feelings about skipping school

Read: 9:39

 

**Ne(r)d Leeds**

ugh fuck pre-med

u ok??

is it hot severus snape again

once again he’s not hot and just because he’s british doesn't mean he’s severus snape, god

you have the worst taste in men you’re so lucky you’re straight

i’m not straight for that guy

also didn’t u say he “broke the life and soul of every student he crosses path with, no i’m not being dramatic ned, you’ll miss me when i’m gone because he MURDERED me ned, he’s a doctor and he’ll never be found out eveR”

that’s pretty severus snapey to me

i was NOT being dramatic

dude

i was being a LITTLE dramatic

dad’s not even answering my texts :(((

he’s leaving me on READ like some sort of peasant

must mean he doesn’t love me anymore its OVER

what did we say about calling mr stark dad

that it was weird but also kinda cool?

yes but also

that raising my expectations was wrong and i shouldn’t do it blablabldsjdj

good boy

take an advil

i don’t have meds

which now that i think of it is kind of hypocritical

the irony

cause of death: dramatic irony

haha.

don’t be mean just because your father doesn’t love you

NED!!

 

It wasn’t that Peter didn’t like pre-med, per say. He definitely wanted to be a doctor, at least. And most of his classes were rough, but he could make sense of it if he tried hard enough, which was honorable, considering the budding relationship with his biological father, harsh breakup with Liz, and that weird kid who kept throwing paper balls at his head in class.

Dr. Strange’s Medical Neuroscience 101, though? That was literal hell.

Peter didn’t even know how this guy ended up being a teacher. First of all, he didn’t seem to like any of them (apart from that girl with the messy hair on the row behind him, but she was weird and didn’t count). He didn’t even seem to like _teaching_. Most of the time, he just talked fast about whatever subject they were supposed to study and rolled his eyes at half the questions. So Peter’s metaphor was right: he was pretty much a less greasy, non-creepy Severus Snape.

Maybe Strange would actually end up killing him with a combination of a headache, snot and lectures about… Brain gooey… Stuff… Peter reread his last page. It made absolutely no sense. He groaned and burrowed his head in his arms. And he didn’t even have actual friends at Stanford, not yet anyway, so he’d _have_ to ask on the class group chat, which was always full of outdated, stale memes posted by starlord69, and god, he couldn’t even with this day.  

“Mr. Parker, I can understand why your three brain cells would wither up and die drowned in their own stupidity, but could you please pay some attention to class, or at least leave? The door is on the left,” Dr. Strange said, and Peter stood up so fast his head went spinning.

Strange was the _worst_. But also, how long did he think of this sentence, how was it so natural, and why did English accents always make everything sound sassier?

“I’m sorry, Professor, I-”

Two things happened at the same time: Peter’s phone vibrated a few times on his table, he could just feel the snarky comment about phones and mass stupidity and tweets about sad dogs about to emerge from Strange’s dark, cruel mind, and the doors slammed dramatically behind them.

Everyone turned around to see Tony fucking Stark stride through the room.

“Hey, children. No, no applause necessary, I’m just your everyday billionaire, walking into your 9AM class and distracting you from the hell that are morning classes like some modern-day Jesus,” Tony paused, and added quickly: “Oh my god I can’t believe they still make those, isn’t it against the law, or human rights, or common decency? When will Human Rights Watch focus on the real issues? Anyway, I’m here for a quick rescue mission.”

“Excuse me,” Dr. Strange said in a tone that hinted very strongly he should not be the one apologizing, “who are you?”

And then, as if he wasn’t already the most embarrassing estranged biological dad ever, and Peter didn’t want to die enough, Tony stopped in his tracks, raised his sunglasses (because of course he would wear sunglasses inside an artificially lit lecture hall in April, just for the aesthetic), and gave Dr. Strange the most blatant, sustained once-over in the history of fuckboyness. Then he put down his glasses, shot a winning smile at the teacher, and said very naturally, “Well, I’m Tony Stark, of course. You might have heard of me. They call me an eccentric billionaire, genius inventor-”

“Overbearing soccer mom?” Dr. Strange guessed.

Not one to be discouraged, Stark (he and Peter had just gone back to last name basis. Peter made an executive decision.) _winked_. “You can call me whatever you want.”

Dr. Strange was on the verge of combusting. Not the good kind of combusting, either - the angry, villainous backstory kind. But Stark had no survival instinct, apparently, and just grabbed Peter’s arm (that’s what you get for sitting at the edge of the row), went, “While I would love to stay and chat, I need this young man here for a very dangerous, very secret science experiment, which, yes ladies and gents, will leave him very rich and _very_ available.”

“Why are you like this,” Peter whispered. With extra despair.

“Are you complaining?” Tony whispered back.

And since Tony Stark was a thunderstorm and there was no use fighting back right now (even though Peter would, later, in the car, with a lot of shouting involved), he gathered up his stuff as fast as humanly possibly when your nose is clogged up and your brain is sluggish and you can barely stand up straight because _what was his head doing exactly_ , and went with him. Walking up all of the rows of the hall, strongly wishing for the floor to swallow him, or, at best, a quick, painless death.

 

***

 

After this day, life in Stanford had resumed as usual for two blessed, peaceful weeks. Of course, now, every time Dr. Strange saw him, he vibrated with some quiet, repressed anger, but he hadn’t verbally destroyed his self-esteem in a while and that was enough for Peter, who had very low expectations in life.

So. Life was as calm and drama-free as you could hope when Tony Stark was your father and your best friend texted you every day with explosions update from MIT and Wade Wilson (Peter learnt his name at a campus party where he had stayed almost twenty full minutes, which was an admirable record) threw paper bullets at your back in class. Tony had even stopped fussing worryingly over him asking for more scarves and sweaters everytime Peter happened to post anything on Instagram. Which meant that Peter lived with a sense of impending doom, knowing it couldn’t last, but hoping so anyway.

Which is why he was disappointed but not surprised when Tony snuck into his Neuroscience class.

 

**Tony Stank**

tony why are you like this

don't pretend like you’re not reading my texts on your google glasses right now

who owns google glasses anyway

i can SEE the read mention you know

are you compensating for all the years i spent without you to embarrass me?

STOP WALKING UP TO DR STRANGE HE WILL LITERALLY MURDER YOU WITH HIS PEN

HE’S A DOCTOR HE KNOWS LIKE 24 WAYS TO DO IT

no one will ever find out it was him

Read: 9:19

 

“Hey there,” Tony said, leaning “seductively” on his elbow on Strange’s desk. The teacher glared.  

“Good morning, Mister Stark. May I ask what you’re doing here?”

“Well, coming to listen to your lecture, of course!”

Awkward silence.

“So,” Tony picked up, oblivious. “Where are you suggesting I sit?”

More awkward silence.

“The back row has a free spot, if you may seat with your peers, where I can pretend to ignore you like I do with my most disappointing students. You can even take Mr. Quill’s chair.”

(Mr. Quill in question let out a vaguely outraged “Hey!” that would be a lot more convincing if he wasn’t currently napping.)

“Great!” Tony chirped and went back all the way to the back row.

 

**Tony Stank**

STOP WALKING UP TO DR STRANGE HE WILL LITERALLY MURDER YOU WITH HIS PEN

HE’S A DOCTOR HE KNOWS LIKE 24 WAYS TO DO IT

no one will ever find out it was him

Not gonna lie, I was hoping for a “my lap is free” here

i’m not talking to you anymore

 

***

 

Two weeks had passed once again, and Tony’s progress with Dr. Strange was still, unsurprisingly, nonexistent. Oh, he’d still come to every single lecture, sometimes even sitting with a very reluctant Peter, but that didn’t stop Dr. Strange from looking at him like something he scraped off his Louboutin, and twirling his cape/doctor’s coat with extra anger when he came in the hall. It probably wasn’t helped by Tony whispering with the students and fiddling with his phone and computer and generally everything he could find instead of, you know, paying attention to his crush.

 

**Tony Stank**

It’s not a crush

I’m a mature adult, and also a playboy billionaire

i don’t do crushes

just the other day you told me his hair was so shiny he could be a model for L’Oréal

Well that’s just an objective FACT, Peter

 

Peter didn’t know what he ever did wrong, ever, in his life, but apparently it was bad, because God, the Force and all that is mighty hated him. He had even had to give dating advice to his kind-of-father, which was crazy, because first of all no one should ever go to him for dating advice, ever (he asked Liz out after almost two years of watching her from the other side of the room like a creep, and her dad was a mafia criminal who threatened to beat up Peter with his goons, twice, and he’d just thought that oh, the man had a weird sense of humor), second of all, Tony Stark was his kind-of-father, and finally, he was _Tony Stark_. How could he be a playboy millionaire and yet so little smooth?

His advice had been that Tony should consider talking to his crush, face-to-face, like a normal person, instead of constantly bugging him and ignoring him in class. Maybe even, if we were going to be risky, being interested in the things Strange was interested in (brains, and destroying lives, from what Peter knew). The advice was not well received. Peter had given up after that.

Which made it all the more surprising when Tony walked up to Strange after class, propping down on his desk and saying, “So, what did you think of Murata’s new thing on the decrease of cell proliferation and newborn neurons in relation to prolonged sleep deprivation?”

(It was also surprising because Peter was in pre-med and it took him a minute to figure out what the sentence Tony had said so naturally meant.)

“Is this a joke?” Strange asked incredulously. And suspiciously. And conceitedly. There were a lot of nuances he managed to get into his tone, and Peter couldn’t find the right adverbs.

“No, I just read his article recently and when you talked about cell proliferation and its exogenous factors today I thought, wow, I wonder how he feels about it.”

“You don’t listen to my class,” Strange pointed.

“Of course I do.”

“No, you don’t.’

“Ok, I don’t. I listen to about fifty percent of it. Alright, maybe forty. But it’s just that it’s pre-med, and I’ve been out of school for _years_ , and also I’ve always been an undiagnosed ADHD child, so who can blame me?”

“You graduated from MIT. You did no medical studies and you don’t even have a doctorate, _Mister_ Stark.” (Insulting each other about doctorates was very frequent for professors, Peter had found.)

“I’m a genius,” Tony said, simply. “So, Murata?”

“Hey, you’re kind of blocking the way, and we have Genetics 101 in five,” messy hair girl called in front of Peter, startling him from his eavesdropping session. He hurried up the hall with her and only vaguely heard Strange’s very long and no doubt smug answer.

 

***

 

The next time Peter saw Strange was not, actually, in his 9 AM Thursday class. It was when he was visiting Tony for the weekend, walking into the kitchen on a Saturday to find Strange wearing Tony’s rattiest AC/DC T-Shirt and somehow looking full of class in it.

“H-hey, Mister Doctor Strange. Sir?”

“Good morning, Peter. Would you like some coffee?”

A hand grabbed the pot handle before Peter could reach for it, dumbfounded. “The kid is caffeine-free, Stephen. It’s not good for his development, it’s addictive, and also, he becomes absolutely insufferable after only two cups.”

“Funny how genetics work,” Strange grumbled.

“Ha, ha. See this, that’s why you have a doctorate in Neuroscience and not Being Likeable, Even A Little.”

Peter stood in front of the table. Tony and Strange were bickering. Tony was up at 9 AM, looking like he got sleep last night instead of dark circles and caffeine breath. Strange wasn’t wearing a suit and he even cracked a smile at some point. His hair wasn’t all lacked up.  

Peter had the horrific realization that this argument was foreplay.

“I’m going back to bed,” he said to no one in particular.

 

**Ne(r)d Leeds**

dad is fucking hot severus snape

that’s SUCH a severus snape move

i hate you and my life

 

**Tony Stank**

if i don’t pass neuroscience i’m gonna be so mad at you

That’s fair tbh

Hey

I know you’re the only son I ever had but you’re also the best son I ever had

This message will be deleted in two minutes and we will never speak of this again

screenshotted, saved, sent to ned and may

You’re unbearable. That’s my boy

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus: Tony definitely steals the midterm papers Stephen just graded and argues with him over Peter's note. And no Stephen, it's not nepotism if his son is a GENIUS.


End file.
